Saturday night.

I think it's human nature to make things more complicated. To over think things. To try and make things more than what they are, even if they would be fine just the way they were. Kind of like the intro to this blog.

I've sat and sat and sat for hours, in anger, just going over and over about how mad and confused I am about my father. Why he left in the first place. Why he can't do this and why he does that. I've thought about how different we were and tried to take every possible measure to make sure it stayed that way. In a way I envy the children with the "cool" parents. The ones you wish were your parents. At least for my Dad I do. A lot. I don't wish he wasn't my dad, just that he wasn't the way he is. So...in a way, I do wish for a new dad.

To clarify why I am writing this, it's for one reason. So I remember the feeling I have this early Sunday morning. I'm not that different at all from my father. In the ways that he fell short though, I won't. I can take where he failed and I can prosper. And the man my father is...I'll live with.
He told me tonight that he sits at home alone, just thinking about how alone he is.
I sit at home, surrounded by people, just thinking about how alone I am.

I love my father so much, and he's a good person, and so am I. Just because my dad screwed the beginning of his story doesn't mean it has to a sad ending. And it won't.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I don't always believe in the Lord, and I don't always believe in myself, but lately I've been telling myself something.
There are two kinds of people in this world. One who sees love as chemical reactions and neuron impulses exploding in the brain and nothing more. And then there's another person who sees love as something more. Something intangible. Something beyond comprehension. Something divine.
I'm the second person, and one who believe in a love like that can't deny a God.