What's worse?
Losing the one you are with? Or never even getting a chance?
I say never getting a chance.
"What if?" has to be the worst question to ever dig it's little way into the human mind. Adam and Eve understand.
"'What if' we could have made it work?"..."what if I wouldn't have said that or acted that way?"...or the worst: "What if I could've been with them? Loved them. Laughed with them. Cried with them. Grown with them. Explored with them. Ran with them. Jumped. Fought. Hop-scotched. Hid......what if I could have grown old with them?"
It's like a parasite that never stops. It grows and grows and grows and grows, until it just about kills any hope you have left for anything more. Because nothing will ever match up to those dreams. those endless dreams.
Actually, isn't "What If?" in itself hope?
Hope in the ideas of what could have been. Or even worse in what could still be.
It's like "What If" on 'roids. The worse "what if". The "what if" that can still happen.
Hope with the chance of hope. Something that still, maybe, someday can be...that is brutal. Pure neurological torture, at it's best.
The fact that the heart, just 18 inches away from the big guy upstairs (the brain, for slow readers), is no coincidence, and can just make things harder. The two actually work very closely together though, constantly contradicting the other, conflicting logic with emotion. Push and Pull.
You see, if you're with a special little someone for a good while, or even a little while I guess, and things go wrong, you know what went wrong. You saw it. I mean, YOU WERE THERE. In the mess you called a relationship.
You know what you, or that other person, did or said that screwed up everything. And sure, dwelling on it can just about kill you. But, us, the more optimistic side of humanity, won't dwell on it like the pessimists, and will see those "screw-ups" as lessons, and things we know to fix the next time.
But what lesson do you learn in 'love never had'?
There isn't one. Except what you NEVER DID or DIDN'T DO.
The only thing you get is an ache in the upper left section of your chest. An ache whose life-span can only be measured by the amount of hope you put into it.
Is hope always good?
No.
False hope is hope nonetheless, but a bad hope. A "hope-lie".
What about the hope people tell you shouldn't have because it is so unreasonably (remember that word!? because "reason" is from the brain)...crazy.
It will never happen, some will say. AND, usually, this insane hope, as others will call it, is something you love. Something that drives you. Something, you just can't let you go of, no matter what you do. An obsession that draws the biggest emotions (SEE!!! There's the other one! "Emotion", which comes from the heart).....love.
The greatest force in all the universe. The force that literally saves lives. That creates life.
Is that bad hope? Or is this crazy, undeniable, unfathomable in deepness, this love/hope hybrid, just the definition of TRUE HOPE?
A drive that never dies. A hope that no words, or prejudice, or days, or years, or decades can kill. A faith.
Faith is undeniable trust and irrefutable hope.
Faith will keep you alive.
Without faith, we live a life without hope. And without hope, are we even living?
Wow did I get lost in all that. But, back to my love issues.
It will work itself out, one way or another, even it's not the way I thought it would, or even wanted it to.
And honestly, I think it'll work out the way I think it will. Because, love has to have faith, and I have faith. Faith that if I have patience in this idea. in this hope. in this love I have for this one...God won't fail me.
I mean, He never has before...why start now?
