I can't do it. I just can't. There's this twinge in my heart; in my lungs, that I cannot move nor shift. It's like there's food stuck in my throat. Like I bit a huge piece and no matter what I do, I can't find any water, and the glass is right in front of me. Like I'm missing something right in front of me. Something in my heart. In my spirit. Air just can't reach my lungs. Salt in my wound, and for some reason, I just keep pouring. What is it? Why?
I'm on the verge of breaking down. I've conviced myself for too long that cutting these corners is alright. I mean, who isn't? What's wrong with me? What kind of a Christian says that? What kind of a man running full force at God just stops and begins making his own path just inches from the real one? What have I become? What have we become?
We've blended our lives, our cares, our...addictions, with this pure ideal, and out, instead of a beatifully selfish blend, comes this blob. Of insignificant, impure, childish thoughts. There's nothing pure anymore at all. That's the point of becoming new. Letting go, completely, of the things of this world...and yet, I just can't seem to. What's my problem? Where's my reasoning? Where's my freaking brain?
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